Our daughter in China

A new blog

2008-08-19T17:09:00.002-05:00

I started another blog- more related to life in general instead of just adoption. Though adoption will be a big subject still. I think I'll post a lot more since it's not tied to one particular thing. Feel free to stop by
www.stepbystepblogbyblog.blogspot.com

Happy St. Patricks Day!!

2008-03-17T16:08:00.002-05:00

Are you feeling green? I am, I let the Irish in me come out.
Time is flying these days. I can't believe Easter is Sunday. I still have to do some bunny shopping.
Last Fri. the brownies took a trip to the nature museum downtown. It was a sleepover. It was actually very cool. The girls had a great time. I really enjoy being a mom. Ivy stuff, is my favorite stuff to do. Next week is spring break, we'll do a few things. Not sure what though.
Did i tell all of you that I'm an aunt now? I don't remember. but- I'm so in love w/ that baby girl! She is going to be so spoiled.

How much longer?

2008-03-09T20:26:00.002-05:00

Referals came out last week through Jan.04, of 2006. How much longer do you think we have to wait. I'm going for a Nov. or Dec. referal. Lets hope I'm right. Really that doesn't seem to far away.
It was brought to my attention that I sound quite depressed in my latest blog posts. I want everyone to know that I'm not. I'm actually doing quite well. I guess I'm a good writer! I'm very honest with myself, and my feelings, and everyone else for that matter. So, when I write something, it allows me to let it go. These are my honest feelings that I post, and it works well for me, I have nothing to hide, and I think people appreciate knowing they are not alone in how they feel, if they have been in a similar circumstance. With me, you get it all!
One more thing--- Where is spring? I am ready!!!!!!!!

Welcome 2006!!!!!!

2008-03-04T13:21:00.002-06:00

Referals have made it thru Jan. 4, 2006. Not a great number, but hey we are in 2006!!!! I see a little glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel. I know the wait will be worth it. I have had a lot of distractions to make it thru this past year. I had the forever long trial, and the adoption that didn't happen. Maybe the reason for all that was to make this wait seem shorter. actually I took a lot more from those experiences than that. Speaking of the trial, Conrad was supposed to go to jail yesterday. I'll have to see if I can find an article or something to see if he actually did.
Not a whole lot going on around here. I drove into the garage door last week. Cut myslef while doing hair, got a few stitches. Just enough to keep things exciting!

It's been a long time.........................

2008-02-18T23:27:00.002-06:00

and so much has happened. I really didn't want it on the internet. But- now that it's done and over with I'll give the brief story. That many of you already know.
We found ourselves with the oppertunity for a domestic adoption. To make a long story short, it felt right. There were all these signs, strange coincidences, and a lot of other things that really made it feel like the "right" thing to do. So- we pursued it. I got to know the potential birth mom quite well. I felt we had a good relationship. She went into the hospital to give birth and I never heard another word. I guess I was wrong. It really wasn't right. Once again, I was wrong. I feel bad about it for so many reasons. But---
I guess it was meant to be. I'm trying really hard to believe that everything happens for a reason. But- as you all kow this path has been sooooo long, and soooo hard, I'm losing a lot of faith. I sometimes feel it would be much easier to quit, and be happy with what I have, and enjoy the life I have been given. Honestly, I know it would make my husband happy. But- I can't do it. I don't quit. I really believe that if I quit I will regret it. I don't want any regrets. Learning experiences ya, but no regrets.
Not just speaking baby now- There are times where I feel I need to run away and start all over. Though I'm not going to. I think I have so much more potential than I get to use. My life seems small, and unfullfilled. I'm not sure where to turn to get that fullfillment. But- I'm not stopping until I do. I just may take many breaks along the way. People close to me think I'm kind of crazy. I always have a new plan for something whether it's a business idea, or school, or whatever!! I think they are steps I need to take to find where I belong. I'm not going to stop and be happy with status quo. I'll end up where I belong, no matter how many times I fall.

On a different note; China is still in the plan. We have been waiting just about 24 months!!! Can you believe it's been that long? Ivy will be nine by the time we go.
Ivy is doing well. I'm so lucky to have that beautiful girl as my daughter.
I'm an aunt now too. My niece was born on Feb. 12. She is a doll. Madalynn Mckenzie, I can't get enough of her.

A tough time

2007-11-04T21:31:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure why, but things have been difficult lately. Just seem to end up in a blah mood, and stay that way.Nothing bad has happened(thank god)
Do you ever just feel disconnected from the world?
Thats kind of the way I've been feeling. Sorta like I don't belong anywhere.
Oh well- this to shall pass.

Happy Halloween!!

2007-10-31T10:59:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile. I've got lots to say, but a public blog isn't the place to say it. So- I've been quiet.
Things in China are the same, no changes, no speed ups, just plain SLOW!!!!!
My tv program aired it was alright. A small spin on a few things. But not to bad.
Ivy dressed as a cupcake today. She makes an awfully cute cupcake! We had a Halloween party on Sat. I'll try to get some pictures up here by the end of this week. We had a good time, especially Andy.
I can't believe that tomorrow is Nov. Maybe we will see referals soon.Though rumors aren't pointing at anything exciting.

I am going to be on TV

2007-09-18T11:34:00.000-05:00

Some of you know of this big trial I was on. I am going to be on TV in Canada. It's kind of exciting and scary all at once. I could of said I won't do it, but I guess I really don't mind. It just makes me nervous. For all of my Canadian internet friends I'll let you know when, as soon as I know. It's CBC broadcasting. I guess they are going to come to my house to get a few snipets to make an intro for me. It's so strange to me.
When I was talking Alexandra on the phone today I find it hard to give her a clear direct answer to many of her questions. I think it's because I'm on of those people pleasing people- and can always see both sides of a story. The one thing I am good at is telling of my feelings and emotions on the whole thing. I just don't like it when I have to talk of others, or specifics of the trial. I'm so worried of saying the wrong thing.

A week at a time

2007-09-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

I just read on one of my DTC groups that referals are not going to speed up, at least the rest of this year. They are expecting one week of referals per month. Ugh--- Say it isn't so.

Wisconsin Dells

2007-09-11T13:36:00.000-05:00

We just returned yesterday from a weekend trip to Wisconsin Dells. It was nice to get away for a couple of days.
Ivy had a great time. The room was wonderful, much bigger than we anticipated. Ivy had her own bedroom and bathroom, she thought she was quite the little princess!
I have had enought of waterparks to last a year or so. We stayed at the Kalahari. I think it's my favorite resort in the Dells.
Not much on the calendar for week, just normal stuff, work, school functions, yada, yada, yada.

Referals are here

2007-09-06T10:59:00.000-05:00

They have actually been here a few days. I find them a little depressing. CCAA only referred 4 days this month, 4, thats it.
Everyone seems to think that after CCAA gets thru November(which has been 4 months now) things will speed up a little. I feel they have to speed up sometime. But I have not even a guess as to when. Probably if I decided to leave the program. Then they would speed up real fast. LOL! We are so close- yet so far away. I didn't want to have kids past the age of 30- huh?!?!How plans change.
A big Congrats- to all who recieved referals, you made it thru the wait. I have been looking at the pictures of those babies, they are too cute!
In the rest of my life- We start Brownies today, have a lot planned for the year. It should be fun.
My friend is here- gotta go, more later.

Happy Labor Day

2007-09-02T13:49:00.000-05:00

It's Labor Day weekend. My how time flies. It is sad summer is at an end. Yet- I'm ready for fall. It's my favorite!
Hopefully we will hear something on Tuesday about this batch of referrals. We are keeping are fingers crossed for a bigger # this time. I never lose hope.
Thanks to my secret pal. The swimsuit and sunglasses are toooo cute! I still need to get my last gift in the mail. I've been doing the secret pal swap since we started this process, and I'm done for now. Really the biggest reason is I am a crappy secret pal. Every gift is late, it's not fair to the person I'm sending too. Especially since I have had such wonderful secret pals. Maybe she will end up with one of mine.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend.

4 months!!

2007-09-01T15:46:00.000-05:00

I just read on RQ-- In one year the CCAA has reffered out 4 months!! 4 months, thats it!! It's crazy. Our LID is 4 months from now. So- I guess that still makes us good to be home by this time next year. But really-
How depressing!

High School Musical

2007-08-18T16:17:00.000-05:00

My friend Jessica and I took our girls to see this on Aug. 1. Ivy had the time of her life. Afterwards we even hung out in the alley to get autographs. The whole next week I kept hearing about what cool day it was.
Last night Ivy went to premiere party for 2. Once again had a great time. My child is most definetly obsessed. We have 4 shirts now, and a backpack. We need to find a lunchbox. Has anyone seen one? Heres a pic.

2007-08-17T11:40:00.000-05:00

2007-08-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

It's a bear!

2007-08-17T11:36:00.000-05:00

2007-08-17T11:34:00.000-05:00

Tennessee pictures

2007-08-17T11:27:00.001-05:00

Still catching everyone up

2007-08-17T11:09:00.000-05:00

We gave our verdict on the trial on Fri. July 13. I was set to leave on vacation Sat. July 14. Vacation had been planned since Jan. We cut it close but I made it.
On Fri. I got home from court at about 2:00 pm. The phone was ringing by 2:15. It was crazy. Over the next 12 hours I had 3 reporters show up here, and about 25 phone calls. I did end up talking to the ones that actually showed up here. It's much easier to avoid the phone than the front door. Especially since I left it open! Sat. morning we left for Tennessee. I had about 100 more messages on my machine while we were gone. Still haven't had a chance to call them back. Hmmmmmm- I'm not going to.
I have learned that the media is never exactly accurate, and I would hate to be even a little famous. I like my little circle here.
I'm going to try to attatch some pictures from vacation as my next post, we'll see how it goes. If they are not there- I coouldn't get it done easily.

I am here- and alive

2007-08-16T16:55:00.000-05:00

It's been a really long time since I have posted!!!
I don't know how to update everyone on the last 5 months.So- this will be pretty short and to the point. I'll try harder to update too. But I've said that plenty of times before. Life gets away from you sometimes.
Back to March-
I ended up as a juror on a federal trial. It lasted from March 19 to July 13. I went from working part-time to more than full-time. It was a huge adjustment. The trial took time from my already busy life, and there were times I hated it. But- in retrospect I'm really glad that I got the opportunity. I learned so much, and definitely stepped outside my box. Sometimes I believe I'm actually capable of so much more than I actually do.
I like my life, I'm comfortable, but there is always that part of me thinking I could do a lot more.
Another good thing about the trial is it helped me not dwell on this wait time. I hardly thought about China at all. There just wasn't time. I have now caught up on the latest news, and am just as obsessed as before.

Last year

2007-03-09T09:29:00.000-06:00

I just went and read last years post made on this day. I had found out 1 year ago today that I was DTC. I was so excited about that.
For the most part that is the only difference between the two posts. I still talk about buying things for the baby, should I do the room or not?!?! Still don't feel pregnant and now it's been a year!!!!!!!
I can at least say it's gone pretty fast.
Happy Birthday Traci!

Another month gone by

2007-03-09T09:15:00.000-06:00

It looks like we are still on the slow road to China! Referrals cam out thru 10/24/05. My agency got none this month. That puts my referral date at almost exactly 5 months from where they just ended. If they were doing a month at a time we would get our referral in August. But it doesn't look like that is going to happen. At this rate it's looking like this time next year. We are still not giving up hope for our baby girl to come home this year.
Eventually we will really need to get started on her room. I keep putting it off. It may be good for me to do now. /maybe this summer. I've been slacking on my Secret Pals to. Last month I sent 3 months worth of gifts. I think many of them are doing the same. I never received my gift for the last 2 months of the hair accessory swap.I'm not really mad, I know it gets hard, you have good intentions they just get away from you. Now- my secret pal is the best ever! She is always on time, buys perfect gifts, always includes Ivy. I'm so lucky to have her as part of this experience. I can't wait to find out who she is. I hope I get to meet her. maybe in China.

GO BEARS

2007-02-02T13:11:00.000-06:00

"What COLTS stands for
Count
On
Losing
The
Superbowl

Click on the link below

2007-02-01T23:41:00.000-06:00

We have made it thru review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so excited.
I really needed this. What does it mean? It means China has approved us. They are going to allow us to adopt a baby. It does not mean it will be happening soon though.
We now exist to the CCAA.
So cool!

China Center of Adoption Affairs

2007-02-01T23:40:00.000-06:00

China Center of Adoption Affairs

Referrals are here!!!

2007-02-01T14:37:00.000-06:00

They are here. Of course not mine- but for many otherswho have been waiting a very long time. It looks as if CCAA referred from 9/28/06- 10/13/06, though it's still early and we may of not heard of a day or so. We are moving up in the line.
I think time will go a little faster for me once we get thru the dead of winter here. I am so tired of it. It wasn't even bad until Jan.
We are planning a vacation for July. We are going to Smoky Mountains with Jill, Mike and the girls. We are renting a cabin that' nicer than any of our houses. I can't wait. Even though it's a ways off, it gives you something to look forward to.
I have Ivys parent teacher conference today. She is doing a good job, so it shouldn't be that exciting.
When I get some blog info on those that recieved referrals I will share, so you can see all those cute babies.

I sound so whiny

2007-02-01T01:02:00.000-06:00

I just went back and read much of my blog. I am boring and whiny! I say the same things three thousand times. Ugh----- I don't feel like this accurately portrays me, maybe it does, maybe it portrays what I feel on the inside, not what I share. Do I want to get that deep into this? No- I don't think so.
I also realized all of my stuff is gone. I changed the template and must of lost it. My music, my maps of China, time and temp, all of my personal stuff. I remember what a hard time I had putting in on there the first time. Now I have to start over. At least it will be alittle more exciting then.
The reason I'm typing in orange- Da Bears are going to the Super Bowl!!! That is way exciting!!! What are you doing on Sunday? My girlfriends are coming over. The boys didn't want to party with us. Thats ok, we will probably have more fun without them. Go Bears!!
Ivy has a 1/2 day of school tomorrow, and shes off Friday. We don't really have much going on. Maybe I'll try and take her to a movie or something. We'll see. She is going to Grnadmas on Fri. Andy is leaving me too-- Oh what should I do? I bet I'll think of something.

2007-01-30T23:29:00.000-06:00

I really stink. Jan. 4 was the last time I posted!! Oh my!
I know why though. I didn't have anything to say. I was feeling pretty fed up with the wait! I have turned a corner, (again) I'm probably on my 3 or 4 time around the block. We were considering changing programs pretty seriosly. We went to a meeting with a domestic agency, that went really well. For a bit I was struggling, then it hit me. My daughter is in China. We have come so far to quit now. She has probably been born now, or will be anyday.( I think I've said that before)
Anyway I'm really happy to be back in this all, full force. In my mind I'm expecting a Decmber referal now. I hope it will be sooner, but I really don't think it will be. If you know me, December is my month, so that would be appropriate. Referals should be coming this week, or early next. Rumors have them going thru Oct. 14,2005.The good news is they keep comming.
I want to thank all of my internet friends that have been so supportive during this time of confusion in my life. You are truely wonderful people.

2007-01-04T22:43:00.000-06:00

Hi- Referals came out. I think thru Sept 27, though I may be off a day or two. It's hard to be overjoyed, cuz either way you look at it, it wasn't enough.
Congrats! to all those who day has finally came. I know you've been waiting a long time.
In regards to my last post, we still don't know what were going to do for sure. Taking our time and exploring all of our options. I figure the right thing will come along, and I'll know when I see it, so I hope!
I hope everyone had a great New Year. Ours was nice. Though I'm glad the holidays are over. Things have been quite chaotic around here and I'm ready to get back on a schedule.

2006-12-29T12:28:00.000-06:00

Hi everyone- haven't posted in awhile. Not a whole lot to say. We had a great Christmas though I'm glad it's over.
Referals are moving at a very slow pace. Hmm- actually not even moving.
We are considering switching back to domestic adoption. Though it is just a consideration.This wait is unbelievable, and it doesn't seem to be getting any shorter. One of the reasons we chose China was because of the stability, huh, well so much for that. the hard part is, I have really fallen in love with the country, and the daughter I do not yet know. At the same time I want to complete this part of my life. I have been obsessing about this for way to long. It's scary to switch, but it's just as scary to stay at this point. I really wish someone would just tell me what I'm supposed to do. I'm really close to giving up all together. If I do that, I will always have regret. It's tough. I'll let you know what we decide, when we do.

2006-12-03T10:26:00.000-06:00

WEll referals came out. They weren't that great. But some people have been doing some number crunching that makes it seem not that horrible. Referals came thru Sept. 8. But I guess they did approx. 200, so if they keep doing the same # of dossiers next time they really will do a month of referals, yet it will be the same number. So- we will get our referral in June?!? WE'll see. Does that even make sense to anyone besides me?
In the mean time, we had Ivys birthday party. The girls had a blast! I have decided that when they get older they will not be allowed to go out anymore!!!!
We are kind of throwing around the idea of doing some foster parenting. We'll see. It's something I'd really like to do, but at the same time it's something that scares me a little.

2006-11-26T22:34:00.000-06:00

Well- so much for keeping up with my blog. Oh well!! I guess there has been quite a bit going on. My friend Jeanine had her baby girl. Her name is Laira Evan. She is a little cutie. My friend Bethany had her baby too. Also a girl, her name is Lane Grace. She was born pre-mature, but is doing well. I went to my friend Julies baby shower last weekend. It was at the Clubhouse in Oakbrook. It was so nice. Julie is having a boy, and is due on Jan. 15, though she probably won't wait that long. Yes- Julie will be the only one with a boy. Thats a good thing, all these girls could use a man around!
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving, and Thanksgiving weekend. We did! It started on Wed. Ivy, my mother in law, and I went to see the Rockettes. It was a great show. Ivy loved it, and it was a wonderful way to start the season. On Thurs. we went to my grandmas out in Earlville. It to was a nice day. Fri.- well Friday was shopping day. Kelly and I started our day at 6, and we were done by noon. I got all of my shopping done! All of it! Today I got the Christmas cards made. I took pictures of Ivy, and went and had them made at Target. They turned out cute, as many of you will soon see.
This week brings some excitement too. On Fri. my baby turns 7!! Yes- I know thats hardly a baby. I can't believe how the time has flown by. I remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. It is so clear. Whats a birthday w/ out a party. We will be having 20 girls here on Friday night. It's a make-over party, and should be a lot of fun. She is sharing the party with her friend Natalia whos birthday is also in December. Twice the fun!!
On the adoption front~ there are good rumors circulating!! We should be finding out this week if they are true or not. The rumors are saying CCAA may match an entire month this time. It's almost to good to be true. But I'm going to be optimistic and believe in it. If that happens, and they keep up with it, it would mean a May referal for us, with travel in July. Say your prayers, I want to bring my baby home.
I'll let everyone know if the rumors turn out to be true or not!

2006-11-14T10:44:00.000-06:00

Referrals did come out thru Aug. 25, if the wait stays as is we are due referral in May, travel in July. I can deal with that. I've got more to say. But not time. I'll be back later today.

2006-11-01T21:34:00.000-06:00

October has come and gone. No referals were recieved the entire month. You know, that really sucks! Excuse my nice choice of words. But thats really the best way to put it.
We had a wonderful Halloween, besides the fact it was freezing. Ivy was cute little black kitty. She spent almost 4 hours trick or treating. Prior to this year she has never made it more than a block or two. My baby is growing up way to fast. We have enough candy here to supply many grocery stores, if anyone is in need, please let me know!I also helped at her school party, and had a blast. The kids are great, and so much fun.

2006-10-18T13:34:00.000-05:00

Wow- A big giant thank-you!!! I have always said that I am lucky to have such great friends, and it is true. Not only my friends in real life, but all of my internet friends. I don't know how I would get thru all of this with out you. You are all a great group of people that I am blessed by getting to know.So many people responded to my blog outburst. If not on the blog, then by e-mail and other means. I appreciate your support and friendship so much. China adoption brings together alot more than a child and parents. In case your interested I'm feeling a little better today. Not ready for the wait that is still ahead, but better. Thanks again everyone!
Tina

2006-10-16T19:57:00.000-05:00

If you read this- it's your lucky day! You get to listen to me whine, and complain, and feel sorry for myself. I kept putting off coming to my blog, because I don't want this to negative. But- I can't stand it anymore. I have no one else to tell. So- I'll my blog and anyone who decides to read it.
I am sick to my stomach over this wait. I don't understand why my journey to have another child has been so difficult and full of pain. I try so hard to be calm and patient, and I can't do it anymore. So- I'm trying to type this with tears running down my face and my bottom lip quivering. I have not cried about any of this since we sent in the application to our agency to start the process. Well- thats been over a year now, I'm really not that much closer now, than I was then.
I will love my child no matter who they are, or where they come from. Which is why I'd like to submit a medical checklist to the SN program. My husband won't have anything to do with it. He won't even look into it. He just keeps saying stuff like why would you ask for a kid with problems? I'll tell you why!I can take wonderful care of a kid with problems, because I will love a kid with problems. All kids have problems! All adults have problems. It makes no difference if they are diagnosed or not!!
I feel that I have let Andy down so much with this whole baby thing.I have let myself down also. I feel like I have no control over any part of it. I can't make my body function properly, I can't speed up wait times in China, I can't pick a child up off the street! I can't make any descions because Andy won't let me. He gets to make all the decsions. It doesn't matter if it is about how much money to spend on something, what child to adopt, or if we get a pet. Everything is up to him. It's driving me crazy. I feel like I'm losing part of me. That I don't want to do. I just want all the hurt to stop.
Please don't get me wrong. I'm married to a great guy. He has his faults, but doesn't everyone. I just can't stand this controlling side of him. This is just a vent, please don't judge him,on me feeling sorry for myself.Sigh---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Maybe next time I'll have better things to say. Right now I'm exhausted, and just drained. Thanks for listening.

2006-10-12T13:42:00.000-05:00

I've been doing a little bit of shopping. Not much, but in two days I have bought Addy more than I have since our LID. Old Navy had some stuff on clearence. So- I bought some summer type outfits. Tank tops and little skirts. They were 1.97 a piece. Can't beat that even if she never gets to wear them. I also bought a cute pair of Piglet shoes at Disney Store today. They were also a bargain at $4.00. I feel like it's ok to shop for her if I don't spend a lot. I was just reading Rumor Queen, and it said there is a possibility that the wait could go up to two years. That is really too long.

2006-10-05T13:16:00.000-05:00

Celebration of the
Mid-Autumn Festival

Celebration of the
Mid-Autumn Festival
Legendary Origins
A Historical Anecdote
Mooncakes

Also known as the "Full Moon Festival," the Mid-Autumn festival falls on the fifteen day of the eighth lunar month. At this time, the moon's orbit is at its lowest angle to the horizon, making the moon appear brighter and larger than any other time of the year. In the Western tradition, it is also called the Hunter's Moon or Harvest Moon. According to the lunar calendar, it is also the exact middle of autumn (which begins in the seventh month and ends in the ninth).

To the Chinese, this festival is similar to the American Thanksgiving holiday, celebrating a bountiful harvest. Compared to many Chinese festivals that are inundated with vibrant colors and sounds, the Mid-Autumn festival remains more subdued. Traditionally celebrated outdoors under the moonlight, people eat moon cakes and gaze at the moon. In modern times, barbecues with families and friends are also common.

Legendary Origins

Like most Chinese holidays, the mid-autumn festival is rich in oral history and legend. According to stories, Hou Yi was a tyrannical ruler who won the elixir of immortality by shooting 9 suns out of the sky with his bow. But his wife, knowing that the people's lives would remain miserable for all eternity if Hou Yi lived forever, drank the potion. The fluids made her lighter, and she floated up into the moon. Even today, Chinese like to think of the moon as home of Chang E.

A Historical Anecdote

The Mongol Hordes of Ghengis Khan subjugated the Chinese, and established the Yuan Dynasty in the 13th Century. However, many Chinese resented the fact that they were ruled by a foreign regime. In the 14th Century, Liu Bouwen helped plot the overthrow of the Yuan Dynasty by organizing resistance. Secret messages were passed along in mooncakes.

Mooncakes

The ubiquitous fare at any Chinese celebration of the Full Moon festival, mooncakes are a flaked pastry stuffed with a wide variety of fillings. Egg Yolk, lotus seed paste, red bean paste, and coconut are common, but walnuts, dates, and other fillings can be found as well. Most have characters for longevity or harmony inscribed on the top. Special cakes can reach almost one foot in diameter.

2006-10-05T12:31:00.000-05:00

Absolutely nothing is new on the adoption front. It's really quiet right now. The rest of life is not! Today we have another Brownie meeting, and I have a lot planned that should help with some of the issues Barb and I dealt with last meeting. Hopefully it will go well. I'm being postive. I wonder if Addy will want to be a Brownie? I wonder if I will be doing this for the next 14 years?!!?
Ivy had a busy week. She had cheerleading Mon. and Tues. and karate on Wed., Brownies today, and tomorrow cheerleading again. Oh ya- and a soccer game on Sat. Fewww!! Glad this week is almost over.
Andys birthday is Saturday, ha ha he will be as old as me! He won't be homes so there is nothing special going on. He has been going on a golf trip the last few years over his birthday.
I'm having Jeanines baby shower on Sun. That should be nice. I'm so glad I decided to have it somewhere besides here. it makes things so much easier. A lot less to clean. My friend Julie is now on bed rest. Sorry Jul~ and let me know if you need anything at all. It sucks now, but will all be worth when you see that little boy.
I'm keeping myself busy with adoption related stuff. One of secret pal swaps I belong to is about to end. I'm trying to think of a creative way to tell her who I am. I have had no luck so far. Anyone have any ideas? I'd love to hear them.
A few of us from S of A are thinking about meeting somewhere soon. It should be fun. I feel so close to many of them, though i have never met them in "real" life. I know it sounds strange, but it really isn't. For we all have one really common bond bringing us together.

2006-09-25T00:06:00.000-05:00

CCAA has updated it's site. It looks like referals are going thru Aug. 9, 2005. Well it's a lot better than last month, and the one before that, and that, and that. Though I'm still not overjoyed by this number of days being refered.Congrats to all of those that fall in this range!!! I'm extremely jealous!Yet very happy for you, I know you have waited a long time.

2006-09-25T00:04:00.000-05:00

I read this on another blog- I thnk it's something that should be shared w/ others who are adopting.

I have been so saddened by this situation. I most definitely wish there was a way to educate ALL adoptive parents about the truths of institutional care, however I have come to realize in my daily work that there are just as many parents who are not online reading everything they can find on adoption as are.

There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of parents out there who have no idea what life is like for a child in an orphanage, and who head overseas to pick up their "China doll" only to be handed a baby who is unresponsive, thin, unable to eat..and on and on and on. While adopting my son last month, I walked several times over to the White Swan to talk to parents, and over and over I spoke with moms and dads who had no clue whatsoever about the issues their kids were having. I heard so many times things like, "she won't eat solid foods" (oral aversion), "she has no muscle tone" (muscle atrophy from lying in a crib all day), "she won't smile" (pure grieving from being taken from her foster mom). I guess since I live China 24/7, I assume everyone adopting does, too, which is not the case.

I talked to at least a dozen parents who didn't even know their child's orphanage name, and while I gently said "you might want to memorize that for your child's sake", at the same time I was trying to process how many parents get all the way to China without ever reading about post-institutional issues. It was sobering to me.

Babies in the NSN (non special needs) as well as the SN (special needs) path can have issues with attachment, motor skills, emotional issues and more. I think all of us on the WCC (Waiting Children China) list acknowledge that, while also acknowledging that all children (whether bio or not) can have these same issues. Living in an orphanage of course increases the odds.

I think the easy out is to say that agencies have to do more, as well as social workers, but I do think that most of them do try to give information to the parents but often parents don't want to hear it or else think it won't happen to them. Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom, the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?" An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year! I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour. I told them to please remember the 72 hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.

I think the easy out is to say that agencies have to do more, as well as social workers, but I do think that most of them do try to give information to the parents but often parents don't want to hear it or else think it won't happen to them. Again, I am often surprised to talk to parents leaving soon and to realize they are not prepared. One family was adopting from our foster care program, and when I told them that the child was DEEPLY attached to the mom, the father said, "guess she might cry for an hour or so then?" An hour or so? She had been in foster care for over a year! I tried to explain that this little girl was about ready to lose everything she had ever known, and that they should not expect her to be sunny, happy, and full of personality after an hour. I told them to please remember the 72 hour rule.......that after 72 hours they would probably see her spark, but that she would probably grieve for a long time after that as well.

I think for many adoptive parents, they just don't want to read the "bad stuff", and so I do think that ultimately it is the parents who are at fault for not doing more to educate themselves. There certainly are books galore out there about post-institutional issues. I equate this to when I was pregnant with my kids and I would read "What to Expect When Expecting", and I would get to the C-section part and always skip it. Each and every time I would jump to the next chapter as "that wasn't going to happen to me". Well, on my fifth baby, when they were rushing me in for an emergency C section, I sure was wishing I had read that section earlier! But at that point in the OR, while they were strapping my hands down to the table, it was too late, and so I felt complete panic when I could have been prepared. I think adoption from China is very similar to giving birth...it is much more rosy to only read the happy stories on APC, but I now encourage every family I meet to read the harder ones as well, because if you are the family who is handed a child that is limp and listless and who looks autistic, what you have learned in the past will help you make the right decision for your family during those very emotional first few days.

I have been called many times in the last few years by parents in China worried about their children. I agree that having a support network to help you through the initial time is essential. Everyone should go to China with at least one phone number of someone they can call if they are panicked upon meeting their new child. I remember feeling so alone when I was handed my daughter and she was so tiny and limp. Because our foundation often helps with the kids who have been disrupted, I am aware that sometimes there are children who have much more serious issues than originally reported..and that is such a hard thing for a parent to get to China and then discover their child is truly autistic or has serious mental delays. I think everyone on both the China and international side would agree that it is absolutely wrong of an orphanage to not be honest in their reports, and no one would excuse that, but I also know without a doubt that the majority of kids who are disrupted are just suffering from institutional issues and would catch up quickly in a loving home. It is always a very sad day for the orphanage and everyone involved when a child that they know is absolutely fine, but perhaps thin and grieving, is returned by their new parents for being "delayed".

I think far too many people believe their child's life is going to begin the moment they meet them. The truth is, and everyone must realize it..a child's life is going on RIGHT NOW in China, and all of their experiences are shaping who they are. The vast majority of aunties that I have met in China are such kind and caring people, but it absolutely is not the same as having a mom and dad at your beck and call. I have had new parents call and say "we didn't think living in an orphanage would affect her at all", and those statements truly puzzle me. How could they not contemplate life in an orphanage?

Walk through Babies R Us and you will see every gadget known to man to make our children's lives here as ideal as possible. Now Americans have two way video monitors, so that when baby awakens not only can mommy see when to immediately rush in and comfort him, but she can talk to baby so that he doesn't even have one single second where he feels alone. How many new parents would have a newborn and then put that baby in a crib 22 hours a day on their own? How many would only feed their baby, even if they were really crying hard, every 8 hours? Or prop the bottle in her crib and then not watch to see if she ever really ate?

Of course no one would do that..we feed newborns on demand, comfort on demand, love continuously..and whether people want to recognize it or not, that is NOT the life of an orphan in an institution. ...even when the aunties are as good as gold. I remember one night when I took some volunteers in for the night shift in an orphanage, when normally just a few aunties are working. One mom looked at me with tears in her eyes as she slowly realized that it was absolutely impossible with just two hands to feed every child, to comfort every child, to soothe every baby who was crying. She said her heart was aching to realize that her own daughter most likely had many, many times where she cried without someone to comfort her.....and she told me that for the first time she finally understood why her daughter had such a deep seated fear of being out of her mom's sight.

The aunties are trying their absolute best, but that doesn't equal mother/child care. I remember being in an orphanage in the north this past winter and the aunties were so proud of how they had 6-8 layers of clothes and blankets on every baby to keep them warm. They were swaddled so tight that they couldn't move, but it was freezing in the orphanage and so the aunties wanted the babies to stay as warm as possible. What alternative did they have? It really was freezing there..I was cold in my wool coat, so the babies couldn't be up and about with just 1-2 layers on, with the ability to move their arms and legs. To stay warm they had to be immobile, and so of course all of those kids have weak muscle tone. But the aunties were truly trying their best, and when a parent is given one of those beautiful children on adoption day, I am sure they will go back to their room with concern and say "she can't sit up by herself..she can't put weight on her legs". That is absolutely the truth, but she also survived 10 degree weather in a very cold province and she will catch up soon enough with parents to encourage her.

To not acknowledge that living in orphanage circumstances can cause lower body weights, low muscle tone, inability to make good eye contact is very sad to me. Can it be overcome? Most definitely! The one thing I have learned over and over again about the kids in China is that they are fighters and survivors. But for some reason, people seem to want to ignore these issues in public forums.

Recently, one of our medical babies that we had met several times in person was adopted, and we all knew that this child was a "spitfire". When the family arrived and spent a few days with her, they decided she was too much of a handful for them and they wanted to disrupt. She absolutely was not what they expected. When they called their agency, they were told they had two choices: adopt the child, bring her to the US, and change their expectations of what they were hoping for, or adopt the child, bring her to the US and the agency would have a family waiting at the airport to adopt her locally. Option three of leaving the child in China was never once given. I admire that agency so much, as they were thinking of the child and the child alone. The family followed through with the adoption and handed the little girl to a new family upon her arrival in the US. As horrible and tragic and emotional as it was for everyone involved...I still feel this was the right decision for the agency to make. It was done in the absolute best interest of the child, who had waited a long, long time for a family. I wish more agencies would advocate for the rights of the child, instead of always seeming to give in to the parents, especially in those cases when they know with absolute certainty that nothing is permanently wrong with the child. Recently with another disruption, the agency I spoke with told me that it was "easier" to just get the family a new baby.

Sometimes easier does not equal right. The first baby who was rejected has now been labelled "mentally challenged" even though the agency knew the child was really going to be okay.

I think all of us, who do realize that delays occur and that babies can usually overcome them, should be these children's advocates by continually trying to educate new parents on what to expect in China. By helping them be better prepared, we just might help stop a disruption in the future. I love Chinese adoption with my whole heart, and it is my life's work..but I also want every family who goes to get their baby to go with their eyes open and to be as emotionally prepared as possible, for the child's sake.

Amy Eldridge,Love Without Boundaries

2006-09-22T11:26:00.000-05:00

There is not a whole lot going on right now. But- I'm sticking with my promise to try and update my blog more often. I'm expecting referals to come out any day now. Rumor is CCAA may do more this time than they have the last year!! I hope so, that would be really exciting.
I've been pretty busy, getting back into the groove of things after summer. We had our first Brownie meeting yesterday, and what a nightmare. I'm really hoping it gets better. The girls were pretty much out of control and kind of bratty. Mine included!I can't believe how cliquish they are in 1st. grade. It's scary, and I really don't like it. I actually had some girls who wouldn't play a game because so and so wasn't on their team. Oh Please!It's supposed to be fun for them, I feel bad when they are not having fun. But we are playing games, singing songs, and having snack. What is not fun about it?!? Are we supposed to let them run around and act like animals? Just a little vent- please no one take it personally.
We also had our first PTA meeting this week, and started with all the volunteering stuff.It's going to be fundraiser crazy around here. We start the 2 at school, then we have the one for Brownies.
This weekend Ivy is going camping and it's supposed to be cold and rainy. The poor girl goes every spring and fall and it rains every time she goes. Not just a few sprinkles, down pours. I feel bad, but she doesn't seem to mind. She says "Oh well- we'll jst do some cooking" One thing about my daughter, shes pretty easy going most of the time.Andy and I going to a wedding. I have to do all the hair for the wedding so I'll be busy during the day.
Thats enough for now. I'll let everyone know when referals come out.

2006-09-11T15:28:00.000-05:00

I'm trying really hard to keep up with my blog. I know all of my adopting friends read it, because they leave comments. But- I don't think any of my family and friends at home do. They never say anything about it, or ever leave a comment. The annonymos poster you always see is my husband. You can usually tell because he is complimenting himself all the time! LOL
I know everyone is bothered about this wait, but what really bothers me is this "pregnancy" doesn't mean anything to anybody. When your pregnant, people are asking how are you feeling, do you have a name picked out, are you going to find out the sex, how are you doing the nursery, etc. etc. People very rarely say anything except why does it take so long? The one question I can't answer! Sometimes I wonder if people think I am making all of this up. But- Just like anyone who is pregnant I love to talk about my baby!! I even had someone say if they have there baby first they are going to use my name I have picked out! How unfair is that? If my belly was round, they wouldn't do that. Hmmmm- I really don't know what to think, but it's frustrating.
I joined another secret pal swap since the one I'm in currently ends in Oct. (we thought we would have referals by then) I am also in a hair bow swap- I'm not into "bows" per say but other hair stuff. The barrettes I got were adorable. Andy thinks these things are silly. But- they make the time pass, and these are the only people that seem to believe Addy is really coming home someday.
My friend Marys husband is in China getting their daughter Vivian right now. I watched some video on their blog. She is so adorable. I actually watched the videos like 3 times.
There are some rumors that the wait is going to stabilize, and some that they will get to 24 months! Ugh! Guess we will have to wait and see.

2006-09-05T10:38:00.000-05:00

I'm starting my second week home(with no job) Last week went pretty well. I was a little lonely sometimes, because I'm so used to having Ivy homw with me. But- I survived. She is doing great. She really likes 1st. grade. I feel out of touch right now with what she is doing. This time last year I knew exactly how she was spending her whole day. Next Tues. is curriculum night, hopefully I will learn a lot then.
Did everyone have a nice Labor Day weekend? I had very few plans whens this weekend started, and ended up really busy. I had a great time.
Ivy and I went looking at some Halloween costumes yeaterday. She wants to be a monster bride. Do you think thats to scary for a first grader to wear? Obviously she thinks it's really cool, though I'm not so sure. At first she was picking out all theeese hoochy looking costumes that her belly would show in. That I wouldn't let her get. I will probably give in on the scary one. I am in so much trouble when she gets older. I have created a monster! To think, this time next year i will have 2 girls!! ( I better by then)
PS- My spell check doesn't seem to be working, so please over look all the typos!

2006-08-29T23:40:00.000-05:00

I want to bring home my baby!!!!!!!! I want to bring home Addy!!!!!!!!!! We are ready for her to come home. I feel a little better now.

2006-08-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I have posted on my blog! I guess I haven't been in the mood. I have been super busy. But- I do have some things to tell everyone about today. So much I don't even know where to start. I guess I'll start with the adoption.
Referals came out on Friday. It's actually pretty depressing for everyone who did not get theirs. CCAA only did nine days this time. That puts the wait up to almost 14 months now. Which means we would not recieve our referal until May- Hmmmmm?!?! I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for March though. I talked to my social worker last week. She called to say our homestudy was going to expire in October. We should probably get started on everything we need to do, to update it. We already starting to shell out more money. I knew it was going to happen, but I didn't think it was so soon. Oh well what can you do? By the time we get our referal we will also have to redo our I 600 A, so we can get a new 171-H, and probably redo our prints twice.
Tomorrow is Ivy's first day of school! I now have a first grader. She is really excited about going. Her teachers name is Mrs. Morris, and she has got a few girls in her class that she was with in kindergarten, though not as many as she would like. I'm fine with that, she can make some new friends to, it's good for her. She's all stressed about what to wear tomorrow. She doesn't want to wear her favorite new outfit because it's only a 1/2 day. Ya- she is only six, what is she going to be like at 16. I am in trouble!
Saturday was my last day of work. I have been at Expressions for 16 years! It was so sad to leave. I know I made the right choice, but I will really miss it. I'm glad to have a more flexible schedule to do things with Ivy(school, soccer, brownies) and I'm still going to do some hair at home for some extra money. When Addy comes home it will be a whole new game. I know I am in for wake-up call then. Ivy is so easy now. Thats o.k. I am for it and ready!
This enogh for now- I promise I'm going to be better at updating my blog!!

2006-08-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

Hi- Adoption news first- referrals have come out.They still have not gotten very far. The wait just gets longer and longer. Honestly I'm little tired of it.
toscoutwithlove.blogspot.com
thenakedovary.typepad.com
hennashearsay.blogspot.com
ourjourneyeast.net
chasinglittlekacey.blogspot.com
www.NinaFreeman.com
varonfamily.blogspot.com
princesstrainer.blogspot.com
introducingournewdaughter.blogspot.com
journeytogracie.blogspot.com
journey2lily.blogspot.com
thehumphreysfamily.blogspot.com
ska-doodle.blogspot.com
ourgiftfromchina.blogspot.com
www.culpadoption.blogspot.com
cheeseinchina.blogspot.com
www.knollinc.com/Referral
www.adoptionvoyages.com/Maryjoyce.htm
chinaduets.blogspot.com
belanichchina.blogspot.com
waitingforpoppy.blogspot.com
ellacuares.spaces.msn.com To my family and friends these are some people who just got referrals. They are beautiful children. Check out some of their blogs. Oh ya- there is pictures of the babies too.

2006-07-20T21:07:00.000-05:00

I was thinking- I don't think I have to ever decide what to put on my blog again. I can just go steal what is on everyone elses. I'm just kidding. But- they have some really good stuff, so I will share it when I see it. This one is really good, and very important.
I saw this on another blog and I thought it was very interesting and informative and could be helpful to both us and others.......

Using accurate adoption language when speaking about adoption is extremely important. Even well-meaning family members and friends can inadvertently convey the misconception that adoptive families are less real or permanent, and that a child who was adopted remains somehow different. This can be hurtful and hard to forget by the adoptee or adoptive parents.

Here are some points to remember:

*As with race or gender, the fact that a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it's essential to the story. If it's used, relevance should be made clear. A daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin who joined the family through adoption is -- and should be described as -- simply a daughter, niece, granddaughter, or cousin, not as an "adopted daughter", etc. Once an adoption is final, a child is simply a regular member of the family.

*If it is relevant to mention adoption, past tense phrasing is appropriate, such as "Charlotte was adopted in January 2007" rather than "She is adopted". Adoption is just one of many events in Charlotte's life, not an immutable personal trait. Charlotte's family should be referred to simply as father, mother, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. The man and woman who shared in Charlotte's conception can be referred to as the birthparents (NOT "real" or "natural" parents).

*The reasons that people adopt are rarely relevant. To suggest or say that someone "couldn't have a baby of their own" is inaccurate. Adoption is a choice, and is not second best. Children who join families through adoption are their parents "own" by law and by love. Families are formed by love, not biology.

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. The way we talk, and the words we choose, say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other.

Please choose positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpupate the myth that adoption is second best. People who use incorrect terminology should be politely corrected. When we use positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption.

2006-07-20T20:19:00.000-05:00

~ Summer Feet Pledge ~

Just a friendly reminder, it's that time of the year again. Please raise your big toes and repeat after me:

As a member of the Faux Paux Sisterhood, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. The sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

I won't wear pantyhose even if my misinformed girlfriend, coworker, mother, mother-in-law, aunt, sister tells me the toe seam really will stay under my toes if I tuck it there.

If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it.

I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend, Dr. Scholl, if my feet need him.

I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

I will take my toe rings off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/coworker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

I will promise, if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

I will promise to go my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they're about $15 and worth EVERY penny). I may spend another $15.00 and get an even better one.

I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear...nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals...

For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on to other Sisters!

I took this off another blog- But I find it so important I have to share!!!

2006-07-12T11:57:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged twice now- so her I go.The problem is this one is kind of hard!

"7" Things I would like to do before I die...
1.Bring Addy home
2.Go sky diving
3.Buy a vacation home
4.Buy a boat
5.lose 50 lbs
6.Know that my children are happy
7.Play with my grandchildren

"7" Things I cannot do...
1.Be late
2.Stay off the Internet
3.a triatholan
4.Eat meat on the bone
5.Stop worrying about Ivy
6.Stop calling my mother everyday
7.Stop nagging my husband

"7" Things I can do...
1. Understand people
2.Be positive
3.Love my children
4.Love my husband
5.Dream
6.Know how lucky I am
7.Have fun

"7" Things that attracted me to Andy
1.He was cool
2.He liked me Honestly at the beginning that was it! I was in highschool and that was all that was important. Now ~ Why I love Andy, it's a list of many more than 7!

"7" Things I say most often...
1.When I go to China.....
2.When Addy comes home...........
3.I love you!
4.No
5.Be careful
6.Hi
"7. because

"7" books I love...
1.The Joy Luck Club
2.To Kill a Mocking Bird
3.Where the Heart Is
4.Harry Potter Series
5.Angela's Ashes
6.Anything adoption related
7.Anything Dr. Phil (I'm a fan, I'll admit it)

"7" movies I love...
1.Top Gun
2.An Officer and a Gentleman
3.Pretty Women
4.The Shawshank Redemption
5.Crash
6.Savannah Smiles
7.E.T

2006-07-07T23:01:00.000-05:00

Last weekend when I was at Lisle fest I got this made for Addy! It's the first thing w/ her name on it, and one of the very few things I have bought myself. Secret Pal bought everything else she has!

2006-07-04T10:08:00.000-05:00

Here are some pictures of our Sammy! He's sooooo cute!

2006-06-30T10:42:00.000-05:00

I have a few little updates for you. Referrals came out and they did 13 days this time!At the rate things have been going that is exciting. If they start doing a month at a time now we will be getting our in March. All we can do is hope. Or Think positive- maybe they will start doing two months at a time!! Besides that nothing new on the adoption front. We have a new a new addition to our family. His name is Sam. I am so in love with Sam. Sam is a rat. I got him for Ivy, but I have to say I am the one who quite attatched. Quit saying EWWWW!! He's not at all. Get the picture of a sewer rat out of your mind!!! He is a fancy rat. He's furry, and cute as can be. He does have that long tail though. Maybe a bow or something will help? I'll get a picture of him up soon. I'm thinking the reason I'm so attatched to this little guy is my need for another child, until Addy gets here Sam will work. Which brings me to another issue. This may be more than you want to here, My Dr. Thinks I may have uterine polyps. I have to have some special ultrasound the end of July. My female parts are doing me no good whatsoever. I don't even want them, what a waste. Happy Fourth of July to all!!!!

2006-06-24T20:26:00.000-05:00

Thank You Secret Pal

I get home from work today and there was a present waiting! It was my secret pal gift for June! I couldn't believe my DH didn't open it(it was for him anyway). He said he knows how excited I get and wanted me to open it! How sweet!! I do get really excited. I can't believe how much this secret pal thing helps with the wait.Anyway- I'll fight anyone who thinks they have a better secret pal. I don't think it's possible. Following the June theme Andy got Spongebob golfballs, tees,and golf glasses. We got a book, and Andy also got a frame that is beautiful and says"Daddys girls" on it. Secret pal also took a picture off my blog to put in it! It was so thoughtful, and is so appreciated. Secret pal- Did you make the frame? Thanks again- Andy, Tina, Ivy, and Addy I haven't Addys name like that before! Cool huh!

2006-06-19T15:44:00.000-05:00

I'm so goofy about all this stuff. One day I'm whining about the long wait to referral and the next I'm freaking out that March will be here before I know it and I have SO much to do! Oh well. Ivy started Day Camp today. She had a great time. The best part for her was there was another little girl named Ivy. She said "I thought I was the only one" She was really excited. Honestly when I named her I wanted something a little different. I didn't want her to have to go by Ivy K. But- she wants to be like everyone else. Which is fine. But as she gets older hope she can appreciate that different is ok. She said there was also a little girl named Addy. Ivy told the little girl that her baby sister who lives in China, name is also Addy. I'm sure the girl was wondering why her sister lives in China. LOL Rumors have started flying about the next batch of referrals. Hopefully they a match a whole months worth! I'll keep you updated.

2006-06-09T15:12:00.000-05:00

This is a vent post. So be prepared- I'm not sure where it will go. I am so frustrated this minute about what I am going to call the unfairness in the world. Yes- I know life isn't fair, but that's not my point. Why do things have to be so difficult? I want my child home w/ me. I am more than ready. Everything I read is so depressing. Could be a year to referral, could be 14-16 months, could be 2 years!UGH- I just wish I knew. When we started it was six months!!! At this rate I will be sixty before I have my second child. I think it's me, or possibly Andy. Every obstacle that could get in our way has. I will do anything to make this happen. But- is that enough? If the wait gets to long we have to redo most of our paperwork. That was frustrating enough the first time. Money- it will costs at least another $2000. Have we not paid enough already? Guess not. I want more children to, but at this rate, I'm not going to have the time or the money. It's not like I can have one. Which brings me something else. My sister, wants a baby so bad. She's had three miscarriages. It doesn't look like adoption is even an option for her(because of some things in her DH past)Her Dr. is ready to do some genetic testing now to figure out what is going on, but she has no health insurance. All of that stuff is not cheap! Oh ya- another baby found in a dumpster today! Now tell me is life fair? Not at all. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of anything having to do with babies!!! I think I'm done for now. I feel a little better.

2006-06-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

Conscientiousness:

You have medium conscientiousness.
You're generally good at balancing work and play.
When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

Agreeableness:

You have medium agreeableness.
You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

Neuroticism:

You have low neuroticism.
You are very emotionally stable and mentally together.
Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly.
Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

2006-06-02T22:30:00.000-05:00

Lets see what this coming week brings. It's been a year since baby Luke. He was born on the 3, came home w/ us on the 5 and left on the 8th. It was so hard. I hope he is doing well. He will always have a place in my heart. The first month he was gone was complete torture. It's amazing how you can love someone so much that you don't know. I did get to know him just a little, but I'm not usually devastated over someone who leaves after 3 days! I still think about him a lot. Wonder what he's doing, how big he is, does he walk?What makes him laugh? I just hope he is happy, and having a great life! So- Happy Birthday Luke!!! All of this helped lead us to Addy. Life tends to work in funny ways. Things always seem to work out the way they're supposed to.I can't get this picture of Ivy off- so it's a bonus!

2006-05-26T09:47:00.000-05:00

Today Ivy is at the zoo on a school field trip. She has been gone an hour and I already miss her. I wish I would of went. But- I have a lot of stuff to get done here. I guess I need to get used to her being at school all day. After the summer that's the way it will be. I can't wait to spend the summer with her though. I don't know why I'm like this. A lot of people are ecstatic when their kids are in school all day. I guess part of it is she is all I have right now. She is my it'll girlfirend.We have a blast together. Until Addy gets here it will be pretty quiet around here the beginning of next year. Then I'm in for a big change. I'm up for it!It looks as if people are receiving referrals today. CCAA did a whole whoppin week this time. This has really got to pick up. Iknow a whole lot of people who may go crazy if it doesn't! Next batch of referrals should really tell a lot. If they do a whole month it will put the wait for referral at one year. So- we'll see. Quick reminder- 1 year for us will be March 22, 2007. Gosh- I hope we go before then, but at at least by then. It really sucks having no control over any of this!

2006-05-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

“An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.” - Chinese Proverb

This is sonething I wanted to share with my family and friends who are not familar with it. I love it.

2006-05-16T13:18:00.000-05:00

Time for an update! Not much going on with waiting for Addy. Were just waiting. I hope everyone had a great Mothers Day. It was nice. I had my family over for brunch in the morning. Took my lil sis to buy a prom dress, and got my nails done in the afternoon. I really hope next year we have Addy here with us. We should, but the process is so long, and somewhat unpredictable.So all I can do is hold on to hope right now.I went and bought my secret pal gift today. That is so much fun. I really enjoy doing it. Ivy only has a couple of weeks left of school. I can't wait for her to be done for the year. Last night was out last PTA meeting of the year, we went for drinks afterwards, it was fun. I really like all the people I have met this year at school,I'm happy doing the mom thing. Make fun of me all you want! It's ok. I don't mind.I've met some great people, and have a lot of connections. Someone said last night that it really takes a whole neighborhood to raise a child. I agree w/ that statement. Our children will not be perfect, and will make mistakes.But- with enough people around to guide, correct, be role models, and most of all to care, they will grow being the best they can be.Parenting really is a tough job. Ivy is at an easy age, but the fun is yet to come! I hope I do a good job with her. I'll try my best. Lucky for Addy I'll be experienced by the time she gets here. She won't be able to get away with anything! Rumors should start flying about referrals soon. I'll keep everyone posted!

2006-05-08T09:55:00.000-05:00

It's official! We have a name! We will name our little girl that is waiting for us in China, Adaleigh. We will call her Addy. I'm really excited about it. It helps the process seem more "real" to me. In case any of you remember it an old post I said I think we may have a name. Well- that is the name we were thinking. But- Andy wasn't ready to commit it to it. On Fri. He said yes. He also asked why I needed it so bad? was I going to run out and get a bunch of stuff w/ her name engraved on it? Well- I just might!!! Her middle name will probably be part of her Chinese name, so we won't have that for awhile!

2006-05-02T16:16:00.000-05:00

I'm addicted to these stupid things. You should play. Just click on the link.

2006-05-02T16:15:00.000-05:00

You Are 28 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

2006-05-02T16:02:00.000-05:00

You Are Mud Pie

You're the perfect combo of flavor and depth
Those who like you give into their impulses

What Kind of Pie Are You?

2006-05-01T19:33:00.000-05:00

You Are Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream

Creative. Expressive. Unique.

What Flavor Ice Cream Are You?

2006-05-01T15:51:00.000-05:00

I thought I'd do a blog update. It's hard to keep up w/ because everything seems so unreal. I don't want this to be a negative thing. There is some exciting news. Referrals came out last week. They covered May 31-June 6. Not a lot of days, but more than last month. I love looking at the referral pictures, those babies are so adorable. I f anyone wants to see some of them let me know and I will give you a link. I also got my secret pal gift on Friday. I was so excited. It's things like that, that make the whole process seem more"real". The theme for April was travel. We received a lot of stuff. An outfit for baby,suckers for Ivy,infant Tylenol, wipes, q-tips, Ora-gel,Kleenex, and a carrying case w/nail clippers, a thermometer,aspirator and dosing spoon. It's all so appreciated. Thanks secret pal!
Things have been pretty busy around here as usual. On Friday Kelly and I went to see Tim and Faith. It was a great concert. And- all you women who walk around in uncomfortable shoes. Faith had on cute gym shoes, and was adorable. If Faith Hill can walk on stage in front of thousands of people in gym shoes, and perform. So can the rest of us. There is no reason we should have to suffer for fashion! She still looked really cute! That was my lesson for the night. By the way- I made Kelly drive, so we wouldn't have to worry about another guard rail incident, like when we went to see Keith! HA HA !!
On Sat. Was Emmas baptism. I am her godmother! It is such an honor. It went well, she didn't cry at all. She was a happy little girl! Yesterday was a Bunco night. I didn't win anything. I took my sister Traci and she won $100 though. Debbie made out pretty well. Lindsey was the biggest loser, so she won $50. Not bad for being the biggest loser! This week I have to do things for daisy's, we are quickly coming to the end of the school year. We have to work on our bridging ceremony,finish our petals. We are taking a field trip to the fire station in a couple of weeks. We have fun together. I can't believe Ivy will be in first grade next year! It makes me sad, because she is growing up so fast. I'm proud of her though she is such a great girl. I need to get my baby home so I'm not bored when Ivy is in school all day! I probably won't be bored, but I'll miss our time together.

2006-04-22T22:06:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged- twice now! I guess I better play along! Here we go 6 wierd things about me- 1. I eloped in Vegas, w/ my high school sweetheart

2.I eat meat, but refuse to eat anything on a bone, or even if i see it on a bone! Completely grosses me out!

3.Whenever I go out w/ my girlfriends(drinking) I feel the need to sit under the bar or table for a little while!

4.When I get an idea I become obsessed w/ it. I spend hours on end deciding how to make it work, and researching. (I get lots of ideas)

5. I can be a hypocondriac- if I read about it, I have it(for at least 10 min). Oh ya- I do this w/ my daughter too!

6.I can be a slob, but I'm a perfectionist!If I don't have time to do something absolutely perfect, I will keep putting it off(sometimes quite awhile) Can't stand things done half-ass!

See -I played! Do you all still want to be my friends?Hmmmmmmm-who should I tag!

2006-04-18T10:07:00.000-05:00

It has been a long time since I have posted anything! I guess not a whole lot to say. I have just been busy w/normal life stuff. Ivy has been sick. So- much this year. 2 weeks ago she a had strep throat, this morning she woke up w/ the stomach flu! It's one thing after another! Two weeks ago we the fun fair at school, it went really well. I helped w/ it some,but didn't do most of the planning. I'm glad it's over with. My friend Dyanne worked really hard, it was all worth it, we have gotten nothing but positive feedback! The night of the fun fair I went w/ some friend to Lake Geneva for Lauras 30th birthday. That was to much fun. I am getting way to old for this stuff. But- we always have so much fun together! I always say I have the best friends anyone could ever have. No news on the adoption front. There was thing on "60 minutes" Sun. About China, and the imbalance of men and women. It was a pretty good piece. I hate it when stuff like that is on TV. It gets everyone in the Chinese adoption community all up in arms. Freaks me out. And I'm sure China doesn't like it much either. I was sort of depressed after watching it. I just want my daughter home w/ me. I'm so scared something will happen to change that. I really don't know if I could handle it! Having a second child has been such a long road, I'm really ready to get to the end of it! For those of you who don't know the wait from LID to referral is about 12-14 months now. Such a long time. What scares me about the wait, is there is a lot of time for something to go wrong. Ya- it could speed up, or slow down, who really knows! I'm considering submitting the medical checklist to our agency for a waiting child. They are a lot of WC, w/ very minor needs. We haven't really decided yet. If there is anything I have, it's time!

2006-04-02T23:43:00.000-05:00

We are back from our little trip. It was great. Mammoth Cave was really cool. We went there our first day, and Ivy asked to go back every day there after! We took the 2 mile, 2hour, guided historic tour. I have walked 2 miles lots and lots of times and it never felt like this! It was a workout. You keep going down and down, guess what, you have to come back up! 600 stairs up!At first Ivy was a little afraid, but once she got the hang of it, there was no stopping her. Abide 1/2 way thru she said, very loudly, " If we keep going we are going to be in China soon, then I will be able to meet my baby sister!" It was funny, the whole tour group agreed! You can always count on Ivy to liven something up. I also thought it was sweet. She thinks about our baby China. Thursday we spent the day in Nashville. Friday the weather was kind of crappy so we just went to the mall, saw a movie, and took a little drive! Andy was afraid we were going to get lost. (guess he doesn't trust me w/ a map) We made it back just fine!Of course we spent all of our evenings swimming, Ivy wouldn't have it any other way.We came home on Sat., and the drive was fine, just long. It always seems so much longer coming home than going . We came up and got good news. We have a LID of 3/22/06!! LID date is when you are officially in the "system" in China. They seemed to come quick this time. Maybe that means the wait times will shorten too! We can only hope. I will try and get some pictures up here from vacation this week.

2006-03-28T18:31:00.000-06:00

Well- I am feeling much more positive today than I did in my last post. Good thing. Who wants to feel like that.I have decided that I'm ok w/ a forever long wait. I cannot change things, so I'll go along w/ them. I have a lot of things I can do in the meantime.Tomorrow we leave on vacation. I am so looking forward to it. We will only be gone a couple of days, but it's so refreshing to get away. We are going to Kentucky, and Tennessee. Plan on spending sometime in Nashville, and going to Mammoth Cave. That scares me a little! But- Andy wants to relive some of his childhood memories, Ivy will like it. I have this weird claustrophobic thing sometimes but I'm hoping it won't be that bad. We'll do whatever else seems exciting at the time! The weather should be in the low 70s- so much warmer than here. Though I can't wait for summer. I love having Ivy off school for spring break,can't wait for summer. What am I going to do when she is in school all day next year?!?! I'll post when we get back! Everyone enjoy the week!

2006-03-23T21:14:00.000-06:00

I'm so depressed! It looks like referrals are coming out next week and they only cover like 5 days of LID'S. It is really sad for all the people who were expecting to of already been home w/ there children by now, and they still have not gotten referral!How frustrating! I'm depressed because it makes the wait longer and longer. Then there are all these rumors floating around about China stopping international adoptions. These are just rumors, but they definitely get the best of you. I cannot even bear the thought of this not happening. After all we have been thro this has got to happen. I'm so emotionally invested, as I have been in so many other past attempts to have another child. Sometimes the world seems so unfair. Ya- I'm throwing myself a little pity party! It's allowed sometimes right? The fact of the matter is, nothing is guaranteed. China can stop International adoptions if they wanted to! I don't really think this going to happen.But the rumors scare me. I really can't stand this emotional roller coaster. I can't wait to go on vacation next week. It will get me away from the computer for a little while, so I don't know what's going on in rumor land! No matter what we have a long road ahead of us still! Enough of the downer post.

2006-03-21T20:47:00.000-06:00

I received my secret pal gift today! For those of you wondering what the heck that is, I will tell you. We have a DTC group and each month we are sending secret gifts to eachother. It's a lot of fun. Buying and receiving! It's supposed to make the time go faster. I'm not so sure about that. But- it is fun! Today I received a book. 123 counting book. I loved it, and it has little flaps to flip up, so I'm sure our little girl will love it too! Thanks secret pal- it was perfect!

2006-03-21T00:11:00.000-06:00

It's late, I should go to bed, but I'm on an adoption high! Nothing new to report, just feel like talking about it. I have been on the adoption forums, and realized I have not posted here in little while. I'm starting to get excited about working on the babies room. I just have to buy the bedding, so I know exactly what colors I will be working with. I know it will be ladybugs, bumblebees, and dragonfly. I want it to be bright. There are a couple of different bedding choices on E-bay, that I can't decide between!HMMMM- what will I ever come up with. I'm really bad at making decisions sometimes. I wish I could see them in real life. But- I have not been able to find anything even close to what I'm looking for in the stores. Babies R Us really doesn't have it all. We might have a name. Though I'm not going to share right now, we are still not committed to it, and it may change. Andy has been shocking me a little lately. He's actually beginning to seem a little excited. He has wanted to do this, it was his idea initially, but he did not seem to into it. At least not like I have been! Lately he has been talking about it more, and I can tell he's definitely ready. To bad it we have to wait forever- to meet our little girl. I picked up some Mandarin Chinese language tapes (they don't come in DVD) at the library today. What do you all think? Think I can learn to speak Chinese? Honestly, I'm a little doubtful. But they are definitely worth listening to.(if I can find a tape player) When we were shopping yesterday Ivy bought a cute little hat for _______. Every time we are out now she wants to buy something for baby sister. It's really cute! Oh ya, we had Chinese for lunch today too. When it gets nice out I want to go to China town. I'm sure Ivy and I could find some stuff to buy there. It's been neat to watch Ivy get excited lately too. At first she said very little. I don't think she really believed us. After what we have all gone thru I don't blame her. For I feel that way a lot too. Well- enough stuff about nothing. This post is really all over the place.

2006-03-14T15:24:00.000-06:00

This adoption is always on my mind. I guess it's the same as when your pregnant w/ your first one. You read, and read, and talk about it all the time! Speaking of pregnant, I have had so many friends having babies recently. Welcome to the world- Hunter, Marissa, and Mason! There are more who are pregnant too! Think we may be having a baby boom(at least in my little world) This past year has been busy. We also welcomed Ella,Emma, and Kloe w/ in the last year. I wonder if my little girl has been born yet? My guess is pretty soon. We requested 6-12 months. That is how old she should be at referral referrals currently running about 10 months, we would hopefully receive ours inDec. Or Jan. Maybe when we get closer we will have a contest guessing birthdate! I've heard of other people doing it and it sounds like fun! I got an e- mail from our agency today saying they received confirmation that our dossier got to where it was going!

2006-03-12T22:22:00.000-06:00

Today there was an article in the "Washington Post" in regards to China, and baby trafficking. I read it, thought that it was very sad, and then on w/ my day for awhile. I could not get it out of my mind. It was a very one sided article, and had a lot of things in it to make the entire Chinese adoption program seem like complete fraud. So anyone who does not no better has no idea, and believes everything they read in regards to this. I believe that there probably is some baby trafficking, not nearly as much as implied!China has got so many strict laws on this stuff, I really don't see how it is possible. If you want to read it, I will try and post the link at the bottom of this post. MMMMMM it irritates me. Jake- question for you, Why is it that newspaper articles don't need to site sources? Is it a free speech thing, or is it just assumed to be a persons opinion? For those of you who wanted to really know some about Chinese adoption I strongly recommend "National Geographic Chinas Lost Girls" Hosted by Lisa Ling on DVD. It is so good. I got it from the library and watched it probably 15 times in 3 days! I should probably purchase it. Speaking of purchase- I have bought a few things for our little girl finally! Books! I'm so scared of buying things, but books don't scare me for some reason. I guess I figure Ivy can always read them ! I really want to buy the crib bedding soon too. I'm going to do the nursery in ladybugs! Got a lot of good ideas. My wonderful aunt is going to help me. Better go watch my shows. Happy Birthday Dad!

2006-03-09T15:39:00.000-06:00

WE ARE DTC!!! Today I got an e-mail from our agency that our dossier was sent to China on mon. (3/6/06). I am so excited! Why did they have to wait 3 days to tell me? Oh well- at least it's there. I guess I'm officially paper pregnant. Funny- no morning sickness, or weird food cravings yet. I'm sure that will come soon!I have been wanting to buy something for this baby, but been to scared. I guess 2 years of fertility treatments, and a failed adoption will do that to you. I guess it's time now. I'm excited to shop, and do the nursery, and she needs a name! My husband won't cooperate w/ me on that one! If it was only up to me we would have one. So- what should I do first? I think I will celebrate being pregnant. Unlike most pregnancies I can do that w/ a glass of wine. Big advantage huh? Keep your fingers crossed that wait times shorten. Either way it's really going to happen! Can you believe it? I'm not sure I do. But it really is going to happen! Happy Birthday sister!!

2006-03-07T12:26:00.000-06:00

Well- I have been putting off posting because I was really hoping to get an e-mail from my agency saying we are DTC, no such luck! Maybe today. This process really tests your patience. I used to consider myself patient, not any more. This is terrible~ I spend a good amount of time on China adoption forums and message boards. They are depressing me lately too. This wait to referral time! It's getting the best of everyone. When we started 51/2 to 6 months! Piece of cake. That's an easy wait. 9-12 months well- that's not. But-we can not control the process, there is nothing to do to shorten it, so we live! This may sound a little spiritual for me but- I keep thinking it's because the child that is meant to be ours is not born yet- not ready to be here, that is why we have to wait so long. We are just a little piece in a very large puzzle. Speaking of spiritual,this adoption also tends to do that to you, because you are always looking for reason. Really- most of us when we are 12 years old we imagine getting married, having 4 kids, a dog, a white picket fence! Where does adopting a baby girl from China fall into that! It doesn't, it doesn't cross your mind. I was brought to adopting from China from something bigger, though I can't explain what. Ya- I can give you the details of all that happened to lead us to adoption- but not China. That was bigger and more! I guess just meant to be! Hopefully next post will start w/ DTC!

2006-03-03T21:57:00.000-06:00

Hurry up and wait!

2006-03-03T18:14:00.000-06:00

Today I decided to start a blog seems like a very common thing to do when adopting. It makes a lot of sense, considering the long wait. I would not have anything to do otherwise. Just kidding! But it gives something to do related to the adoption. We are adopting fromChina! I am so excited about it, I really cannot help but talk about it all the time. We have such a long ways to go, and I think some people may already be tired of hearing about it. BUT- they would never admit it, they love me too much to do that! We started this process in September of 2005, we sent our application to CCAI. We were approved quickly thereafter. Then they sent us our dossier guide. Oh my! Did that look like a lot of work. I was really overwhelmed at first.CCAI said it should take about 3-5 months to complete and it took us 5! Our dossier is now at CCAI in translation. We received an e-mail this past Tues.( 2/28/06) that it passed critical review, would spend a week or less in translation, then be sent to China. Oh- I feel everything takes so long. When it is sent to China that will be our DTC date. (dossier to China) Hoping to get that date real soon.We will use this blog to keep everyone updated on everything . Even when we go to China we be able to post pictures and messages. One of the best parts everyone can leave us messages too! We have a long time until referral- until then I will tell everyone about the process, progress made on the nursery, you can listen to me whine about the wait, and anything else I feel like talking about.